Sunday, February 14, 2010

Enquiring Minds Want To Know

Nice to Meet

Okay, before you read the rest of my post, it might be important background to know that I have been in the hospital since Friday morning with gastroenteritis. Food poisoning. Joy! It's now 3 am on Sunday and I have some observations for you. My sweet husband brought my lap top, so I do not have to be completely unplugged of the world.

Here is a list of crap that needs to be in a bag before you go to the ER:
chap stick
dental floss
list of medications
insurance card

Here is what to know BEFORE you get to the ER:

If there is a wait for you to bee seen, get a Eme-Bag and barf in the waiting room! Win!

Pooping, Peeing, and Puking (the 3 P's of the Hospital) are encouraged!

Know what your deductible/ co-pay is so that when they offer to admit you to the hospital you will be quick to smile and know that your insurance, like in my case, waived the ER copay when I was admitted. :) Win!

When the doc proposed me staying here what went through my mind.....GOOD! I don't have to DRINK all the fluids that are needed to replenish my system! Win! GOOD! I don't have to go pay $12.00 per prescription at CVS (although I'm sure I have a coupon somewhere) for 2 or 3 doses of anti nausea meds. Win!

My sweet Mark won't have to put up with me tossing and turning and being miserable! Win! Win! Win!

Here is a list of things that absolutely ROCK about the hospital:

  1. When you can finally eat, they will bring you whatever you want, when ever you want it. Doesn't mean that it is edible, but the safe bets are: pudding, jello, apple juice and pop.
  2. They will answer EVERY time you hit that button, even if you hit it by accident.
Here is a list of things that absolutely SUCK about the hospital:

  1. They have shampoo, but no conditioner
  2. you can't get more than 30minutes of sleep before one of the following will occur: full bladder, empty IV bag, check vitals, here's your food tray, are you done with your food tray? I need to take you to x-ray, would you like to take a shower? Can I listen to your lungs, Good morning, I'm your nurse today, **old phone rings*** Hey, is Kathryn Sparks there? "No, she died, we just cleaned the room and now I am here" (oh wait, I wasn't thinking fast enough to have that reply)... you get the picture
  3. They push fluids in you until you can fill a Big Gulp cup every time you pee!!!
  4. Even with great snacks you are still starving.
  5. You are tired even though you "could" sleep anytime you want. Whatever
  6. The IV machine is possessed.
  7. The remote is attached to the wall and weighs about 5 pounds.
  8. You have to shower with a veterinarian glove on to keep your IV port dry... you know the glove I'm talking about! MOO!!!!
  9. The "socks"
  10. Channel surfing involves 10 channels!
I'm sure I have more, but I'm tired again and ready for my 20 minutes of sleep!

7:30 am New excuse to interrupt my sleep.... Knock Knock...good morning, I'm just checking to see if you are wearing oxygen, looks like you are not. Close door, exit orderly.

WHAT THE F? I've had to stare at a dry erase board that has the following written on it:


yada, yada AND: O2 ... What they mean is dissolved Oxygen, as in molecular oxygen,

O2. aren't these peeps supposed to have "some" education?

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